if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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