yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
