well you can't waste a boner
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
