You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
