If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
