About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
