so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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