i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
