your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
