It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
