dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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