I think im going to throw up on grandma
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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