I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize