I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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