just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
