Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
