eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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