Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Holy shit dude........stairs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
