Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the condom got lost in my hair
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
