I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
