i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
