i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
