we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
