She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Panties = found
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
