Your mouth is God's brothel.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
