There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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