Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I smell stomach acid.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
