So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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