I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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