I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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