I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
