Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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