we have officially lost it.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
