I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
