just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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