apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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