i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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