You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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