so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
