rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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