Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
