I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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