some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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