I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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