I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
