You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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