I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
