your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
