We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
