she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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