the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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