I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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