the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize