i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
