Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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