She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize