I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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