did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This girl is more easily done than said...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
