i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize