Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
