there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
