quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
