dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
