.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's always time for handjobs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
did i just pee glitter
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
