From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
