I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
