Michael Bay diarrhea
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
