Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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