I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
