before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
