I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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