Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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