I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
