For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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