I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
