I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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