Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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