worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
