I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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