Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
