Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
