Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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