Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
