He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize