Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We are all done wearing pants today
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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