I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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