TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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