What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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