Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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