I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
