my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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