So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
