College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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