Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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