ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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