Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
