Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
where am i from again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
