Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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