youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
