yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
