I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
