If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
