is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
