We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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